March 2012
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A letter to God.
Dear God, if you even exist
Please don’t resist, I have a lot to wish.
Why did you make me this way?
I don’t think I or any other human
Deserve a life like this.
I’m paranoid, self-destroyed
Dear God, believe me. I’m sorry for whatever I did.
I cry and I cry and sometimes I don’t even know why.
I cry and I cry and this fear becomes my home.
My precious home.
February 2012
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What if life is just one big Hallucination?
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Holden Caulfield is a friend of mine.
One of the best.
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The power went out at work, so all the employees and I smoked hookah with the owner and his family for about an hour. All I can say is, I. LOVE. THIS. JOB. I just got paid for smoking hookah and we all got off early. No complaints here. Now, I am going to study like a good college student. I can complain a lot on that.
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Moral of this post: Never make fun of anyone.
While shopping at Target in Arlington after work, This guy (who will not be named) who I went to High School with came up to me and started talking to me like we were best friends. No dude, we had English 3 together and you would always make fun of me for being in the Marching Band, the way I dressed, how I would read a book before class, how I always had a cup of tea with me, how nerdy my friends...
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Ho00ookah.
I absolutely adore my new job. I know it’s only been my second day working here. But seriously, I’m liking it. The employees are hilarious and kind. I get along great with the owner and boss. Oh and I made a ridiculous amount of tip money tonight. So, if you are in the Arlington area come to Shisha Cafe and sit in my section, I’ll make you some hot tea and the best hookah you...
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Shisha
Last night, I started my new job at a Hookah Lounge. I was just in training. But I learned absolutely everything someone can learn on how to smoke hookah, clean hookah, and i learned everything about the coals that go with it. The employees I will be working with are hilarious! So I guess that will be good. The owners are arabian and it’s kind of hard to understand them but I’m getting...
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I Love sleep. Sleep Loves me.
I just got up and it’s almost 2:00pm. Whew. Apparently was really tired.
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Paranoia. Paranoia. Paranoia.
At the end of the day, I’m just my own worst enemy. I’m the only one who judges myself so harshly. When past events are brought up, when I reminisce, when I think about what I could have done, What I could have changed, what would happen if I died now, and so on and on. I think too much. I over think too much. I think everyone is out to get me. I’m just fucking crazy. Just go...
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Camel Crush
I can’t help myself but enjoy a cigarette when I’m feeling stressed, sad, or anxious. I just feel so relaxed, but at the same time I’m always thinking to myself …”Dammit, why am I doing this. I don’t want to make this a habit.”
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Dreams:
I was going to an orphanage or maybe it was an asylum. It appeared to be in the early 1920’s or maybe the 1930’s on the way I was dressed. The weird thing though about this dream was that I was a boy. I was in my own room and I was seeing a ghost. The ghost was a little boy that died and all he wanted was to see his grave. His mom worked at this place and knew that he haunted the room...
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I Guess This Is Growing Up.
When I think about it…stressing and having endless anxiety over college, learning that once I move out I will have to pay my own bills, and all the other perks of growing up. In all honesty I don’t want to live anymore. I know this is coming off, as really depressing, but it’s true. I just don’t want to grow up. I wish Peter Pan would come to my window at any second and take me away to Never...
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“Imagine if you had suddenly learnt that the people, the place, the...”
– A beautiful Mind
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We are all hiding behind a disguise.
Everyone around me seems to be living life and content. I just feel trapped. If life is so great, what is it then that I am missing? I do feel like everyone is hiding something though. Maybe no one is truly content or happy and everyone just wears a smile on his or her face. We all have problems in our day-to-day lifes. Like, someone could be failing a class, behind in course work, fallen out of...
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Deep in the Cell of my Heart, I will feel so glad...
Sing me to sleep. I’m tired and I, I want to go to bed.
Sing me to Sleep.
Sing me to sleep and then leave me alone.
Don’t try to wake me in the morning ‘cause I will be gone.
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Dreams:
I don’t remember most of the dreams I dreamt last night. The one I do remember is kind of funny. I woke up in my room to find that everything in it was on the ground. My painting, pictures, all of my clothes, etc. I was terrified thinking that I was robbed. It turns out Markus and Ashley did the whole thing. Which in reality is something that they would do. Not the robbing part. Haha....
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